My mom has more ribbons than your mom
posted by peppermint at 12:15 AM
If you know me well, then you know that on the weekends I like to sleep until I'm physically unable to sleep another minute longer. That doesn't mean that I manage to pull it off every weekend, but I always give it my best effort. There are several factors that work against me on a routine basis, but I have something they call "tenacity". This morning, though, my mom was scheduled to receive a "secret award" at the annual convention for the Wisconsin Builder's Association. So Tom and I dutifully set the alarm and I only swore a little bit (just a tiny bit!) when it went off. It's not every day someone in my family wins some high-falootin' award so you can bet we'll be there for them when it happens. I would be remiss if I didn't mention that my sister won second place in a sauerkraut eating contest this past summer - and I was totally there for her, too. Although it was more like I was "on the other side of the room for her" because this sauerkraut eating contest? You couldn't use your hands.
My mom was the recipient of the WBA's "Rising Star Award" which I like to think is short for "Lots of Ribbons". My mom's name tag is decorated like a livestock stall at the fair. Not to compare my mom with livestock. Maybe she won't read this, eh? The point is that ribbons=good and my mom could totally kick your mom's ass. That's all I'm saying.
She gave an acceptance speech and everything. It had a couple of sports metaphors, which is to be expected, and Tom and I did our part by staring blankly while everyone else nodded in agreement. Prior to the awards ceremony we were subjected to a one hour guest speaker who is a sportscaster for UW Badger basketball and football, and when people start talking about sports around us our eyes glass over and our brains start short circuiting. People were singing fight songs and clapping like ... well, let's face it ... a bunch of crazy people. My mom, knowing that we're not so much into the sports, told us we could leave for that hour but we decided to take one for the team. See what I did there? I made a sports reference. Just when you think I'm going to zig? I zag.
And, uhhh ... I don't know who this next dude is, exactly, but he gave my mom an award so he's okay in my book. People around here seriously dress in Green Bay Packer jerseys for normal, everyday events. And my head? One day you'll hear it explode over this fact.
My mom isn't the type to let something like this go to her head. But Tom and I were talking about how if we won an award we'd have a pedestal built for it in our office and we'd have a motion sensor rigged up so that every time someone entered the room it would cut all the lights except for the single beam shining down on our award. Then for at least a couple of weeks we'd make everyone refer to us as "His/Her Excellency, Recipient of the Rising Star Award". We're humble like that.
My mom was the recipient of the WBA's "Rising Star Award" which I like to think is short for "Lots of Ribbons". My mom's name tag is decorated like a livestock stall at the fair. Not to compare my mom with livestock. Maybe she won't read this, eh? The point is that ribbons=good and my mom could totally kick your mom's ass. That's all I'm saying.
She gave an acceptance speech and everything. It had a couple of sports metaphors, which is to be expected, and Tom and I did our part by staring blankly while everyone else nodded in agreement. Prior to the awards ceremony we were subjected to a one hour guest speaker who is a sportscaster for UW Badger basketball and football, and when people start talking about sports around us our eyes glass over and our brains start short circuiting. People were singing fight songs and clapping like ... well, let's face it ... a bunch of crazy people. My mom, knowing that we're not so much into the sports, told us we could leave for that hour but we decided to take one for the team. See what I did there? I made a sports reference. Just when you think I'm going to zig? I zag.
And, uhhh ... I don't know who this next dude is, exactly, but he gave my mom an award so he's okay in my book. People around here seriously dress in Green Bay Packer jerseys for normal, everyday events. And my head? One day you'll hear it explode over this fact.
My mom isn't the type to let something like this go to her head. But Tom and I were talking about how if we won an award we'd have a pedestal built for it in our office and we'd have a motion sensor rigged up so that every time someone entered the room it would cut all the lights except for the single beam shining down on our award. Then for at least a couple of weeks we'd make everyone refer to us as "His/Her Excellency, Recipient of the Rising Star Award". We're humble like that.
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